双语：怎样脱解尴尬 做一个健谈的人

　　Are you a good conversationalist? What makes someone a good conversationalist? Being a good conversationalist is important in every context, be it in business, social, or dating.

　　你是不是一名好的健谈者?什么能让你变得健谈呢?无论在何种情况下，作为一名好的健谈者都是非常重要的，无论是商业、还是社交或是约会。

　　I don’t think there are any “tricks” or shady techniques you have to apply to be a great conversationalist. Below are ten timeless rules I apply to all my conversations:

　　我认为要想成为好的健谈者，不需要任何的“招数”或不正当的手法。下面是我用到谈话中永不过时的10条原则：

　　1. Be genuinely interested in the person.

　　对谈话的人真正感兴趣

　　Who is this person? What’s on his/her mind? What does he/she enjoy doing? What motivates him/her in life? These are the questions I have for every single person I meet. Since people form the core of my life purpose (to help others grow), my genuine interest in people, from who they are to what they do, comes naturally.

　　这个人是谁?他/她在想什么?他/她喜欢做什么?什么激励着他/她的生活?我每遇见一个人，我都会想这样的问题。由于人们形成了我生活目标的核心(帮助他人成长)， 我对他人的兴趣，从他们是谁到他们做什么，就很自然地产生了。

　　Such genuine interest, not an artificial one, is essential to making a conversation fly. If you are not interested in the other person, then why speak to him/her to begin with? Move on to someone you really want to talk to. Life is too short to be spent doing things you don’t like.

　　这样的兴趣是发自内心的，而不是虚假的， 这是让谈话出彩的必要条件。如果你对他人不敢兴趣，为什么要和他/她说话呢?去和你真正想谈话的人说话。生活苦短，不要把它浪费在你不喜欢的事情上。

　　2. Focus on the positives.

　　关注正能量

　　Which means rather than talk about past grievances, opt for a discussion of future goals. Rather than talk about the coffee that spilled on your table this morning, talk about that movie you are looking forward to watch later in the evening. It’s okay to talk about “negative” topics (read: topics that trigger negative emotions) once in a while, but only when you feel it is okay with the other party and when it has a specific purpose (e.g., to get to know the other person better or to bond with the person).

　　也就是说与其谈论过去的悲伤，不如去讨论未来的目标。与其谈论今天早晨洒在你桌子上的咖啡，不如谈论一下晚上你想看的电影。偶尔谈论一下“负面”话题(能产生负面情绪的话题)也是可以的， 但最好是当你觉得对方也能接受并且有特定目的时(比如，更好地了解对方或和对方建立联系)。

　　3. Converse, not debate (or argue).

　　交谈而不是辩论(争吵)

　　A conversation should be a platform where opinions are aired, not a battle ground to pit one’s stance against another. Be ready to chat, discuss, and trash out ideas, but do so amiably. There’s no need to have a conclusion or agreement point in every discussion; if a convergence has to be met with everything that is mooted, the conversation would be very draining. Allow for things to be left open-ended if a common point can’t be achieved.

　　谈话应该是交流观点的平台，而不是一对一的硝烟战场。准备交谈、谈论和清理想法，态度要和蔼。没有必要每次讨论都要下结论或达成一致。如果每次都谈有争议的内容，那么谈话会非常吃力。如果无法达到共识，可以让事物处于开放状态。

　　4. Respect.

　　尊重

　　don’t impose, criticize, or judge. Respect other people’s point of view. Respect other people’s space—don’t encroach on the person’s privacy unless a common bond has been established. Respect other people’s personal choices—don’t criticize or judge. Everyone has his/her right to be him/herself, just as you have the right to be yourself.

　　不要强加、批评或评判。尊重他人的观点，尊重他人的空间——不要侵犯他人的隐私除非建立了共同的联系;尊重他人的个人选择——不要批评或评判。每个人都有自己的权利成为他/她自己， 就像你有权利成为你自己一样。

　　5. Put the person in his/her best light.

　　看别人最好的方面

　　Always look for ways to make the person look good. Give credit where credit is due. Recognize talent where you see it. Drop compliments where appropriate. Allow the person to shine in his/her own light.

　　总是去看别人好的一面。该赞美时就赞美。看到才能要识别出来。在适当的时候对别人加以赞美。让别人展出自己最好的一面。

　　6. Embrace differences while building on commonalities.

　　求同存异

　　Everyone is different. At the same time, there are always commonalities across people. For the differences, embrace them. They make all of us unique. Agree to disagree if there are clashes in ideas.As you talk to the other person, look for commonalities between you and him/her.

　　每个人都是不同的。在同一时刻，人们都有着共性。对不同之处，要加以拥抱。正是这些不同之处才让我们每个人都独一无二。如果想法有冲突，则求同存异。当你和他人交谈时，寻找你和他/她的共同之处。

　　Once you find a common link, build on it. Use that as a platform to spin off more discussions which will then reveal more about both of you. For the new commonalities that get unveiled, build on them further.

　　一旦你找到了共同的地方，在它上面建造你们的关系。把它作为一个平台，进行更多的讨论，这样你们都会更好地了解彼此。对于发现的新的共同之处，可以在这个基础上进一步交流。

　　7. Be true to yourself.

　　做真实的自己

　　Your best asset is your true personality. Don’t cover it up. It’ll be pretty boring if all you do is mime the other person’s words during a conversation; there wouldn’t be anything to discuss at all. Be ready to share your real thoughts and opinions (not in a combative manner of course—see #3). Be proud of what you stand for and be ready to let others know the real you.

　　你最好的资本是你真实的个性，不要把它掩盖起来。如果你所做的就是在谈话中模仿另一个人说话那会非常单调;根本就没有什么可以谈论的。准备好分享自己真实的想法和观点(不要用好斗的方式——参见#3)。对自己的立场感到自豪，并让别人认识真正的你。

　　8. 50-50 sharing.

　　50-50分享

　　I always think that a great conversation should be made up of equal sharing by both parties. Sometimes it may be 40-60 or 60-40 depending on the circumstances, but by and large, both parties should have equal opportunities to share and contribute to the conversation.What this means is that you should be sensitive enough to pose questions to the other party if you have been talking for a while.

　　我总是在想，好的谈话应当是由双方共同分享组成的。根据环境，有时可能是40-60，有时可能是60-40，但是总的来说，双方应该有平等的机遇来分享和参与谈话。也就是说你应该足够敏感，如果你已经说了一会儿了，应该能够对对方提出问题。

　　It also means that you should take the initiative to share more about yourself if the other party has been sharing for the most part. Just because the person doesn’t ask doesn’t mean you can’t share; sometimes people don’t pose questions because it is not in their natural self to do so.

　　这也意味着如果大部分的内容是由对方分享的，那你应该主动分享自己的想法。别人不问不代表这你不能分享;有时人们不问问题是因为他们天生不愿这样做。

　　9. Ask purposeful questions.

　　询问有意义的问题

　　Questions elicit answers. The kind of questions you ask will steer the direction of the conversation. To have a meaningful conversation with the other person, ask meaningful questions. Choose questions like, “What drives you in life?”, “What are your goals for the next year?” and “What inspired you to make this change?” over “What did you do yesterday?” and “What are you going to do later?”.

　　问题会引出答案。你问的问题代表着谈话的方向。要想和他人有有意义的谈话，就得问有意义的问题。可以选择这样的问题，如“在生活中什么事情激励着你前行?”,”你明年的目标是什么?”以及“什么让你做出这样的改变?”，而不是问“昨天你做了什么?”、“一会儿你要做什么?”

　　Some people may not be ready to take on conscious questions, and that’s fine. Start off with the simple, trivial, everyday questions as you build a rapport. Then, get to know the person better through deeper, more revealing questions—when you think the person is ready to share.

　　有些人可能不想回答意识层面的问题，没关系。从简单、琐碎的、日常的问题开始，逐步建立关系。然后，通过进一步、更加揭露性的问题来更好地了解对方——当你认为对方已经愿意分享时。

　　10. Give and take.

　　给予和接受

　　Sometimes people say pretty weird stuff during conversations. For example, a critical comment here and there, a distasteful remark, and a bad joke. Don’t judge them for those comments; treat these blurts as Freudian slips. Usually I just laugh or shrug it off; it makes for funny conversation banter.

　　有时人们在谈话时会说一些很奇怪的内容。例如，到处都有批评的评论、令人反感的话、糟糕的笑话。不要因为他们的那些评论而对他们加以评判;把这些脱口而出的话看成是弗洛伊德口误。通常情况下我只是笑笑或耸耸肩;它也使得谈话轻松有趣。