双语新闻：谷爱凌：我承认，我爱上了恐惧

　　Eileen Gu is only 18. Born and raised in California, Gu competes for her mother’s native China, where she hopes to win three gold medals: in halfpipe, slopestyle and big air.

　　谷爱凌只有18岁。生长于加利福尼亚的她，为母亲的祖国中国出征，有望在北京拿下自由式滑雪U型场地技巧赛、坡面障碍技巧赛和女子大跳台的三枚金牌。

　　(本文中文版发表时，谷爱凌已经在女子大跳台比赛中获得冠军。——编注)

　　Gu’s relationship to fear is evolving. She thinks about it a lot. She keeps a diary, and some of her handwritten entries, she said, are devoted to the subject of fear, in all its forms.

　　谷爱凌与恐惧的关系是不断变化的。她总会想到恐惧。她习惯写日记，她说，自己手写下的一些主题就是关于各种形式的恐惧。

　　At the request of The New York Times, Gu wrote down her thoughts on fear – how she views it, how she manages it, how she hopes to conquer it.

　　应《纽约时报》邀请，谷爱凌写下了她的恐惧观——她如何看待恐惧，如何应对恐惧，以及她希望如何战胜恐惧。

　　I Admit It. I’m in Love with Fear

　　我承认，我爱上了恐惧

　　Eileen Gu

　　谷爱凌

　　For the last 10 of my 18 years, I’ve pursued a tumultuous love affair with fear. I’m a professional freeskier, and twin-tipped skis, 22-foot halfpipes and double-cork rotations are my main sources of adrenaline, the truly addictive core of extreme sports.

　　在我18年人生中的后10年，我都与恐惧进行了一场动荡不安的恋爱。我是一名职业自由式滑雪运动员，双尖滑雪板、22英尺高的U型池和转体两周的动作就是我肾上腺素的主要来源，那是极限运动真正令人着迷的内核。

　　Like all bewitching lovers (at least the ones in the novels I read, for lack of real-world experience), this significant other can be…mercurial. “Fear” is really an umbrella term for three distinct sensations: excitement, uncertainty, and pressure. I’ve learned that the nuanced indicators of each of these feelings can be instrumental to success when recognized and positively leveraged, and harbingers of injury when ignored.

　　就像所有让人迷恋的情人一样(由于缺乏现实经验，至少是我在小说里读到的那种)，这位重要的另一半可能是……善变的。“恐惧”实际上概括了三种不同的感官体验：兴奋、不确定性和压力。我已经明白，如果意识到并积极利用这每一种感官中的微妙指示，会对成功有帮助;如果忽视它们，往往就是受伤的先兆。

　　Though it’s easy to label extreme sport athletes as fearless or capricious, the countless hours I’ve spent visualizing tricks and practicing them in foam pits (foam. particles. everywhere) and on airbags (think giant Slip ’N Slide) suggest otherwise. It’s biologically counterintuitive for us to place ourselves in positions of risk, and while we make every effort to physically prepare, no amount of metaphorically safety-netted practice can equate to the unforgiving snow slope that rushes up to meet us after a steep kicker launches us into the air. Instead of ignoring fear, we build unique relationships with it by developing a profound sense of self-awareness and making deliberate risk assessments.

　　虽然极限运动员很容易被贴上无畏或不走寻常路的标签，但其实，我曾花无数个小时在海绵池(填满了泡沫和颗粒)和气垫上(想象一种巨型的Slip ’N Slide滑水道)想象做那些技巧动作的画面，并进行练习。把自己置于危险境地从生理上说是违背天性的，虽然我们尽一切努力做好了身体状态上的准备，但再多的所谓安全训练，也不能与无情的雪坡相提并论，在一个剧烈颠簸将我们抛入空中之后，它就直奔我们而来。我们不是忽视恐惧，而是通过探索深刻的自我意识和深思熟虑的风险评估，与恐惧建立独特的关系。

　　The work begins with visualization. Before I attempt a new trick, I feel a tightening high in my chest, between the base of my throat and the top of my diaphragm. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. As I ascend the gargantuan takeoff ramp, I imagine extending my legs to maximize lift. Then I picture twisting my upper body in the opposite direction I intend to spin, generating torque before I allow it to snap back the other way.

　　这个过程先从想象那个画面开始。在尝试一个新技巧之前，我喉咙底部和膈肌顶部之间的胸口会升起一阵紧张。我深吸一口气，闭上眼睛。我想象着在巨型起跳坡道中上升，伸展双腿以将腾空升力最大化。然后，我看到自己反向扭转上半身，做出我想要的翻转动作，产生力矩，直到我再让身体从另一个方向转回来。

　　Now, in my mind, I’m airborne. I see the backside of the takeoff immediately, then my flip draws my vision to the cloudless sky above me. My ears register the wind as a kind of song, every 360-degree rotation providing the beat to the music of my motion. As my feet come under me halfway through, I spot the landing for the briefest of moments before I pull my body into the second flip. I imagine my legs swinging under me as I return to a forward-facing position and meet the ground with my weight in the front of my boots. 1440 degrees. I smile. Then I open my eyes.

　　现在，在我的脑海里，我已经飞了起来。我可以在看到起跳点的背面之后，立刻转体将视线投向头顶万里无云的天空。在我听来，风也是一种音乐，每次360度转体都为我的动作带来了音乐节拍。当我的双脚在中途落下，我将身体转入第二个空翻前的一瞬间，我看到了落地点。我想象着双腿不断摆动，身体回到面向前方的姿势，将重心放在靴子前头着地。转体四周。我面带微笑。然后睁开眼睛。

　　In the split second following my visualization, the knot in my chest flutters and spreads – those famous butterflies reaching their final stage of metamorphosis. Excitement, the child of adrenaline, my true love and addiction. That tantalizingly precarious balance between confidence in my ability to execute the trick safely and excitement for the unpredictable experience to come. I’ve heard this state called “the zone,” which is indeed where I was when I became the first female skier in history to land the double cork 1440 last fall.

　　想象结束后的一刹那，堵在我胸口的疙瘩终于扑腾着舒展开来——就像化茧成蝶那著名的蜕变终章。随着肾上腺素而来的兴奋，就是我真正热爱和沉迷的东西。对安稳完成动作的自信，对即将到来的未知体验的兴奋，这两者之间那种摇摇欲坠的平衡让我欲罢不能。我听说这种状态被称为“化境”(the zone)，去年秋天，当我成为历史上第一个完成前空翻两周加转体四周的女性滑雪运动员时，我的确进入了那样的状态。

　　It doesn’t take much, unfortunately, for uncertainty to override confidence. Imperfect preparation moistens my palms, pushes that tight spot down into my stomach and makes each breath shallower than the last. The feeling isn’t panic, but something like dread. Danger! cries every evolutionary instinct. If I should choose to look past this safety mechanism, my body may act autonomously in the air, twisting out of the rotation and forcing me to brace for impact out of fear that full commitment to the trick may end in disaster. Every freeskier’s goal is to recognize the minute differences between excitement and uncertainty in order to maximize performance while minimizing the risk of injury.

　　遗憾的是，犹豫往往很容易将信心压倒。没有尽善尽美的准备，我会掌心出汗，把那个紧张的疙瘩咽进肚子，使得每一次呼吸都愈发困难。那种感觉并非慌张，而是某种类似于畏惧的东西。每一个进化的本能都在呼喊，危险!若是我选择性地忽略这个安全机制，那我的身体或许就会在空中不受控制，转体变形，让我不得不出于恐惧为落地的冲击做好准备，因为全身心投入这样的动作可能会以灾难告终。每一位自由式滑雪运动员的终极目的，就是要认清兴奋和不确定性之间的细微差别，这样才能在拿出最佳表现的同时，最大限度地降低受伤风险。

　　Finally, there’s pressure, an energy source that can be wielded in many ways. One’s experience of pressure – by far the most subjective facet of “fear” – is affected by personal experiences and perspectives. Expectations of family and friends, a competitive streak, or even sponsorship opportunities can provide the scaffolding for a high-pressure environment. Pressure can be a positive force for competitors who leverage it to rise to the occasion, but it can also single-handedly dictate competitive failure.

　　最后，还有压力这一有着多种释放形式的动力源泉。一个人的压力体验——显然它是“恐惧”最主观的一面——会受个人经历和观念的影响。亲朋好友的期望、竞争的冲动、甚至是赞助的机会，都可能制造出高压环境。对于能克服压力的斗士来说，压力可能是一种积极的力量，但压力也可能成为失利的决定性因素。

　　But whether athletes alleviate or compound their innate desire to “prove themselves” depends largely on confidence. As I enter my early adulthood, I’m proud of the work I’ve done to cope with pressure by bolstering my self-esteem and minimizing my need for external validation. I focus on gratitude, perspective, and on the joy this sport brings me, regardless of whether I’m alone or in front of a worldwide TV audience. Though my views of myself and the world are constantly evolving, one thing is for certain: no matter how much time passes, I’ll always be a hopeless romantic when it comes to fear.

　　然而，运动员能否抑制或是增强“证明自己”的天生欲望，很大程度上取决于信心。随着步入成年，我能够依靠提升自尊和减少对外界认可的需求来应对压力，对此我感到十分自豪。无论是一个人独处，还是面对全世界的观众，我都专注于感恩、观察、以及这项运动带给我的快乐。虽然我对自己和世界的看法在不断变化，但有一点是肯定的：无论时间如何流逝，面对恐惧，我总是一个无可救药的浪漫主义者。

　　(Harry Wong 译)