双语：破解网上交友密码

　　　　I was 30 years old, just out of a long-term relationship and no longer interested in playing the field. It was time to settle down with the right man, get married and start a family. At the urging of several friends (and my worried mother), a strategy was settled upon: I joined Match.com and JDate, a website for Jewish singles.　
　　　　今年30岁的我刚刚结束一段漫长的恋情，不想再玩爱情这个游戏了。现在是时候安顿下来，找一个合适的人结婚生子了。在几位好友（还有我那位焦虑的老妈）的催促下，一套行动方案就这样开始执行了：我加入了交友网站Match.com以及专门为单身的犹太人开设的JDate。　
　　　　What followed was a series of bad dates worthy of a romantic comedy: stupid sexual remarks, too much alcohol consumed (by them). A surprising number of men high-fived me, for reasons that remain unclear.　
　　　　这之后，我便有了一连串糟糕的约会经历，我所经历的这些都足够拍一部浪漫喜剧了：性方面的愚蠢言论、饮酒过度（我指的是对方）。很多男性喜欢与我举手击掌，数量之多让人意外，这其中的缘由我至今都想不明白。　
　　　　My profile was obviously attracting the wrong kind of man. After one particularly disastrous date─he casually dropped the fact that he was actually married─I decided to change my approach. Drawing on my background in data analysis, I set out to reverse engineer my profile. I outlined 10 male archetypes and created profiles for each of them on JDate. There was JewishDoc1000, the private-practice cardiologist who hated cruise-ship travel, and LawMan2346, an attorney who was very close to his family and a former national debate champion.　
　　　　显然，我的自我介绍所吸引的男性不是我想要的那一类。在一次特别失败的约会之后（对方在不经意间告诉我，他实际上已经结婚了），我决定调整我的行动策略。利用我在数据分析方面的专长，我开始通过逆向工程的操作方式来修改我的简介。我创建了10个男性模型，然后在JDate上给他们每个人建立了一份简介。他们中有JewishDoc1000，一位在私人诊所工作、不喜欢乘坐邮轮旅行的心脏病专家；还有LawMan2346，一位与自己家人关系十分亲密、过去曾拿过全美辩论赛冠军的律师。　
　　　　Posing as these men, I spent a month using JDate. I interacted with 96 women, cataloging how they behaved and presented themselves online and scraping data from their profiles (such as the language they used or the number of hours they waited before emailing back one of my profiles). Wanting to learn everything I could about my competition, I kept a detailed database, and I recorded which female profiles were popular. While JDate doesn"t publicly release its algorithms, at the time of my experiment I observed that the more popular profiles come up higher in search results, allowing one to get a quick-and-dirty ranking of who's hot (or not). I quickly realized that the popular women seemed to know something I didn't; they were clearly attracting the sort of smart, attractive professionals who had been ignoring my profile. Being hypercompetitive, I wasn't about to let some bubblegum-popping blonde steal the neurotic Jewish doctor of my mother's dreams.　
　　　　我用了整整一个月的时间在JData上假扮这些男性。我与96位女性交流过，对她们的行为以及她们在互联网上呈现自己的方式加以分类，然后从她们的自我介绍中搜取信息（比如说她们所使用的语言或是她们会等多长时间才回复我的某一位虚拟男士的邮件）。为了尽可能了解所有关于我这些竞争对手的信息，我创建了一个内容详尽的数据库，还记录下来了哪些女性的简介最受欢迎。虽然JDate不会公布网站所使用的算法，但从那段时间我自己的切身体会和观察结果来看，我发现越受欢迎的简介，出现在搜索结果中的几率就越大，这让人们可以就哪些人最热门（或者最不受欢迎）这个问题得到一个大致的排名。我很快便意识到，那些受欢迎的女性似乎明白一些我所不知道的事情；她们显然让那类既聪明又有魅力的职业男性更感兴趣，而这类男性对我的简介一直是不屑一顾。我要让自己充满超级竞争力，我可不能让那些身材惹火的金发女郎偷走我老妈梦寐以求的当神经科医师的犹太女婿。　
　　　　What did I discover? Popular profiles used aspirational language (like 'I want to travel' or 'a big ambition of mine is…'), kept descriptions short and generic and lied about various physical characteristics (though not the ones you think). Their style was easygoing, youthful and spontaneous. I'd never once referred to myself in writing as 'fun' or as a 'girl.' But it was easy to see that I had been far too stuffy and professional in my presenting myself (I'd gotten lazy and cribbed from my résumé).　
　　　　我发现了些什么？那些最受欢迎女性的简介中都喜欢用表达志向的语言（比如“我想去旅行”或是“我的一个很大的抱负是……”），描述要简短、要普通，写到各种身体特征时不用那么诚实（我所说的身体特征不是你脑子里所想的那些）。她们的风格很随和、洋溢着青春气息而且没有刻意做作的痕迹。我从来没有在自己的简介中用过“有趣”或是“女孩儿”这样的字眼。不过不难看出，我过去在介绍自己时都一直太过古板、职业气太重了（我那时为了偷懒，直接从我的职业简历中抄了些内容下来）。　
　　　　I learned that short profiles that express just enough information to pique someone's interest are the ones that do best. A good cutoff point is the 500-word mark. Profiles that go on longer than that tend to be by an accomplished woman with lots of education and some kind of license (doctor, lawyer) to brag about, or by a not-so-attractive woman who seems horribly lonely and desperate to date. In my case, I'd written close to 900 words─a dissertation. That put me in the bottom 8% of all profiles I looked at. If I was blathering on that much before even meeting someone, what would I be like in person on a first date?　
　　　　我明白了：那些简短而且所提供信息刚刚足够引起他人兴趣的自我介绍往往能够达到最好的效果。简介的最佳篇幅在500字左右。超出500字的简介往往要么是出自一位受过很多教育、有一份值得炫耀职业（比如说医生或是律师）的成功女性之手，要么就是来自一位看起来极度孤独、迫不及待想要找个男朋友的不那么具有吸引力的女士。而我呢，我当初的简介用了近900字──够得上一篇专题论文了。结果我被排在了我所看到的所有自我介绍中的倒数8%之列。谁的面都还没见到呢，我已经喋喋不休成这副模样，那么初次约会见到我本人时我得罗嗦成什么样子？　
　　　　I assumed that daters lied about their weight. I certainly rounded down. What shocked me, though, was how many women seemed to be lying about their height. All of the 96 women I interacted with listed their height as between 5-foot-1 and 5-foot-3, even though the average height of an American woman is 5-foot-4. Though it isn't impossible that 100% of these women would have fallen below the average, it's statistically improbable. (Plus, you could tell from their photos that most of the women were taller than they said.) These women assumed that men wanted shorter, more petite dates, and they appeared to be right. Why? Because men lie about their height, too.　
　　　　我猜测，网上交友的人们都会对自己的体重撒点小谎。我当然是少说了点儿。不过让我惊讶的是，好多女性似乎对她们的身高也没说实话。与我交流过的所有96位女性在网上留下的身高都在5英尺1英寸到5英尺3英寸之间，然而美国女性的平均身高是5英尺4英寸。当然，这些女性恰好都低于平均水平这件事也不是完全没有可能，只不过这在统计学上有点讲不通。（而且，从照片上你能看出来，大多数女性都比她们所声称的身高要高。）这些女性做出了这样一个假设，即男性都希望约会对象比自己矮、身材比较娇小，而这种假设似乎没有错。为什么呢？因为男性在身高方面也没说实话。　
　　　　Another surprise: My parents and friends always told me to let men approach me; otherwise, I'd seem too aggressive. But successful online daters were bold and friendly. Popular women didn't hesitate to reach out to my male profiles. They sent casual messages that were just a line or two long. They would open with 'Hey' or 'Hi there' (instead of, say, 'Hello, [name]') followed by 'I like that you [detail from profile]. I'm interested in [detail] too.'　
　　　　另一个让我意外的发现：我父母和朋友们总是告诫我，要让男性主动与我接触，否则我会让自己看起来很迫切。然而，那些网上牵手成功的人都很主动、很友善。那些最受欢迎的女性在主动与我虚拟的那些男性接触时一点都不迟疑。她们会发一条很随意的短信过来，也就一两行字。她们会用“嘿”或是“嗨，你好”做开场白（而不是说“你好，谁谁谁”），紧接着她们会说“我喜欢你[简介中的某个细节]。我对[这一细节]也感兴趣。”　
　　　　Some other interesting details I discovered:　
　　　　我还发现了其他一些有趣的细节：　
　　　　 Use between three and five photos in your gallery. More photos can do some good, but after five, my analysis suggests, profiles pass a point of diminishing returns.　
　　　　 相册中的照片最好在三到五张之间。多放些照片或许会有好处，不过如果超过五张，我的分析显示，你的简介就到了边际效用递减的临界点。　
　　　　 Lead with your hobbies and activities, unless they require lots of description or explanation. So you can start with tennis, if that's your thing, but not aikido─or worse, 'I have a black belt in aikido.' (I actually do, and I put it on my profile at one point, which prompted some men to challenge me to a fight on the first date, which was as horrible and awkward as it sounds.)　
　　　　 开头先写自己的兴趣爱好，除非这些内容需要费笔墨去解释或是描述。按照这个原则，你的简介一开始可以就从网球写起──假若网球是你的业余爱好的话，不过万一你的爱好是合气道，或者更糟糕，“我是合气道黑带选手”，这些就不必写上去了。（实际上我就犯了这样的错，我一度在简介中写上了这条，结果有男性初次见面就要约我较量一番，这听上去够糟糕够尴尬吧，实际情况也的确如此。）　
　　　　 It's really hard to be funny in print─especially if you're naturally prone to sarcasm. I found that people who thought they were being funny in their profiles weren't. Instead, they seemed angry or aloof.　
　　　　 在网上的文字中想要表现出幽默感真的很难──特别是如果你生来就爱讽刺别人的话。我发现，那些自以为简介写得很幽默的人，实际上一点都不有趣。相反，这些简介让这些人看起来很愤怒，或是很冷漠。　
　　　　Women: Don't mention work, especially if your job is difficult to explain. You may have the most amazing career on the planet, but it can inadvertently intimidate someone looking at your profile. I realize this sounds horribly regressive, but during my experiment I found that women were attracted to men with high-profile careers, while the majority of men were turned off by powerful women.　
　　　　女同胞们：别提工作，特别是在你的工作很难解释清楚的情况下。你或许拥有一份在整个星球上最了不起的职业，但这份工作没准儿会不小心吓退看你简介的人。我知道这听上去很糟糕，简直像是旧社会才会发生的事，但就我这次的经验而言，我发现，女性会被那些拥有良好职业的男性所吸引，而大多数男性会在强大的女性面前扭头走开。　
　　　　 Women with curly hair are at a distinct disadvantage online. I have no idea whether men prefer blondes, but I can say definitively that most men prefer women with healthy, long, straight hair. If you have curls and feel comfortable (and look good) straightening your hair, give that a try.　
　　　　 长有一头卷发的女性在网上征友时劣势明显。我不知道男性是否更喜欢金发，不过我可以明确地告诉你，大多数男性更偏爱拥有一头长长的健康直发的女性。如果你头上有自来卷，而你又不介意把头发拉直（而且拉直头发看起来也不错）的话，那么去试试看吧。　
　　　　 If someone instant-messages you while you're online, go ahead and IM back if you want─the popular women I interacted with online certainly did. Otherwise, for email exchanges, they waited 20 to 23 hours, on average, between contacts for the first few messages.　
　　　　 当你在线时，如果有人给你发短信，只要你愿意，那就别迟疑，马上给他回短信──我在网上交流过的那些受欢迎的女性毫无疑问都是如此。如果是电邮的方式，联系人之间在交换最初的信息时，她们平均会等上20到23个小时再回电子邮件。　
　　　　At the end of my analysis, I'd compiled enough information to create a super profile─a sort of amalgam of what I saw the popular women doing, along with my own personal details. Instead of bullet points and résumé speak, I wrote that 'my friends would describe me as an outgoing and social world traveler, who's equally comfortable in blue jeans and little black dresses.'　
　　　　在分析工作结束时，我已经汇集了足够多的信息来创建一份超级简介──其中将我所见到的那些最受欢迎女性的做法融合到一起，再加上我自己的个人信息。不再是逐条列举、也没有职业简历式的语言，我写道“如果要我的朋友对我做一番描述，他们会说我是个开朗、好交际、喜欢周游世界的人，无论是身着蓝色牛仔裤还是黑色小礼服裙，我都同样自在。”　
　　　　Soon after it went live, my super profile attracted more than 60 responses, many of them notably different from the ones I'd attracted before.　
　　　　在我的这份超级新简介发出去后不久，便吸引了60多份回应，其中许多人显然与早先对我感兴趣的那些男性不同。　
　　　　Among them was a response from a profile called Thevenin, an attractive, Jewish man who seemed smart and funny. His real name was Brian, and he was my last first date.　
　　　　其中一份回复来自一位网名为Thevenin的男士，他是一个有魅力的犹太男士，看起来既聪明又幽默。他的真名叫布莱恩(Brian)，他成了我最后一个约会对象。