有时，即使我们自认为已经真心实意地道歉了，却依然无法得到对方的原谅，甚至可能适得其反、把关系弄得更僵。那么，怎么做才能让你的 “apology（道歉）” 更加真诚？哪些道歉方式更容易获得他人的原谅？本文浅谈道歉在人际交往中的作用以及如何更好地向他人道歉。

词汇：apologising 道歉

1 Apologising is one of the first relationship skills we're taught as children. "Say sorry to your friend for stealing his toy", "Apologise to your mother for being so rude!" Children often apologise because they are told to by adults, regardless of whether they mean it, and the recipient is often told to forgive, regardless of whether they feel it. But the skill of making a heartfelt, genuine apology must grow as we become adults if we want to nurture healthy relationships.

2 Dr. Aaron Lazare, psychiatrist and apology expert, says a good apology should have four elements. The first is to acknowledge the offence and admit that you have wronged someone. Next, there's an opportunity to explain what happened, without excusing yourself – in fact, it's sometimes best to simply say, "There's no excuse for my behaviour." The third step is to express remorse and show that you understand how the behaviour has impacted the other person. Lastly, offer to make amends. If the mistake involved physical damage, have it repaired. If it involved emotional pain, promise to be more sensitive in the future.

3 Research shows that an apology is more effective when it is more costly to the apologiser, whether that's in terms of money, effort or time. For example, a study called 'Do sincere apologies need to be costly?' found people were more convinced by an apology if the apologiser had to inconvenience themself in order to deliver the apology. For example, if that person made a journey to say sorry, rather than just waiting for the next meetup. A 2025 study called 'Sorries seem to have the harder words', found that people use longer words when apologising than when they're not apologising. It also found that people perceived apologies with longer words as more apologetic than apologies with shorter words.

4 So, be sincere and own your mistakes, remembering that forgiveness can't be forced – the other person has the freedom to forgive or not to forgive. But what's better: harbouring guilt for the rest of your life, or taking that weight off your shoulders?

测验与练习

一、根据文章内容选出正确的段落。

Which paragraph contains results from studies?

二、根据文章内容选出正确的选项。

1. What does the author imply is wrong with apologies made by children?
a. They are often not genuine.
b. They don't take responsibility.
c. They blame the person receiving the apology.

2. Dr Aaron Lazare believes a good apology involves excusing your behaviour.
a. True
b. False
c. Not given

3. Dr Aaron Lazare believes you should always apologise for hurting someone, even when you don't think you've done something wrong.
a. True
b. False
c. Not given

4. What do we learn from the research given in the article?
a. Apologies are more effective when they are costly to the apologiser.
b. Apologies are more effective when they contain longer words.
c. Both.

5. In paragraph 4, what does 'it' refer to in the sentence 'It also found that people perceived apologies…'
a. the study
b. the scientist
c. the apology

三、用下列单词完成对本文的总结。

If you have 1) _______, the first step is to acknowledge it and 2) _______. In order for your apology to sound convincing and 3) _______, you should show genuine 4) _______. You can explain yourself, but make sure you don't 5) ______, or it can sound like you want to shift the blame.

own your mistakes
remorse
offence
costly
wronged someone
excuse yourself
sincere

（答案见词汇表后） 

词汇表

forgive 原谅
heartfelt 衷心的，诚挚的
genuine 真诚的，真心的
offence 冒犯
wrong someone 不公正地对待某人
excuse oneself 为自己开脱
remorse 懊悔，悔意
make amends 赔礼道歉，作出补偿
costly 代价高昂的
apologiser 道歉的人
sincere 真诚的，诚恳的
inconvenience oneself 给自己带来不便
apologetic 表示歉意的
own one's mistakes 承认自己的错误
harbour 心怀、背负（某种感情或想法）
take the weight off one's shoulders 卸下重担

答案

一、根据文章内容选出正确的段落。

Paragraph 3. It begins with 'Research shows…' and includes results from two studies.

二、根据文章内容选出正确的选项。

1. a. Children often apologise because they are told to by adults. The fact they are told to apologise by adults implies the apologies are not genuine.

2. b. False. Next, there's an opportunity to explain what happened, without excusing yourself.

3. c. Not given. In the article, we are given Dr Aaron Lazare's tips for how to give a good apology, not when.

4. c. an apology is more effective when it is more costly to the apologiser. Another study found that people perceived apologies with longer words as more apologetic.

5. a. 'it' refers back to the previous sentence: A 2025 study called 'Sorries seem to have the harder words'.

三、用下列单词完成对本文的总结。

If you have wronged someone the first step is to acknowledge it and own your mistakes. In order for your apology to sound convincing and sincere, you should show genuine remorse. You can explain yourself, but make sure you don't excuse yourself, or it can sound like you want to shift the blame.