社交课堂：12步克服羞涩和社交焦虑症

Shyness and social anxiety are usually the result of an overly excited amygdala (a portion of the brain that receives stimulation based on your surroundings). Individuals who are shy or socially anxious typically have an amygdala that is extremely sensitive (in part due to their genetics, in part due to the way they were raised).

　　害羞和社交焦虑症通常都是杏仁核过度兴奋造成的现象，而杏仁核则是一种根据环境接收刺激的大脑组织。害羞或有社交焦虑症的人，杏仁核一般都非常敏感——这一方面跟基因有关，另一方面则归因于他们的成长经历。

　　Shy or socially anxious individuals perceive unknown situations as highly threatening.

　　在害羞或社交焦虑的人看来，未知环境都是非常危险的。

　　This feeling of being “threatened” would be beneficial if you were being chased by a lion; causing your mind to focus solely on what is critical to save your life. However, your mind “going blank” at a dinner party or when your boss walks in your office is not very beneficial.

　　当你被一头狮子追捕时，这种警惕感会十分有利，能让你一门心思想方设法逃命。但是，在宴会上或老板走进你办公室时，如果你的大脑还是会“一片空白”，那就不好了。

　　So with that, let’s discuss 12 ways to overcome shyness and social anxiety.

　　所以，我们来看看下面这12个克服害羞和社交焦虑症的方法吧。

　　12 Steps to Overcoming Shyness and Social Anxiety

　　12步克服羞涩和社交焦虑症：

　　1. Reality Check

　　认清事实

　　Step number one is to recognize what is taking place chemically in your brain when you’re feeling anxious or shy.

　　第一步就是要弄清楚当你感到紧张或害羞时，大脑会发生怎样的化学变化。

　　You are not abnormal; your brain is just “unusually” sensitive to new stimuli, causing you to proceed with extreme caution – usually “unnecessary caution.” Just knowing this will help you rationalize what’s going on and will help relax you in future situations.

　　你没有“不正常”：只不过你的大脑对新刺激“格外”敏感罢了，以至于你表现得特别谨慎——一般都是些“不必要的谨慎”。认识到这一点有助于你理性面对正在发生的事情，进而在以后环境中做到自如放松。

　　No need to become shy or anxious, just tell yourself that it’s just some chemicals and cells reacting based on a perceived threat that’s not really there – no need to panic (ignore the racing heart and sweaty palms) – just calm down and proceed intelligently.

　　没必要害羞或焦虑，你只要告诉自己：这些不过是假想危险引发的化学与细胞反应罢了。也没必要惊慌，别去管那加速的心跳和冒汗的手心，尝试镇静下来并机智应对。

　　2. Don’t Ponder on Negative Thoughts

　　不要陷入消极思维

　　When you give a presentation – there’s always three presentations involved: There’s the presentation you planned on giving, there’s the presentation you actually gave, and then there’s the presentation you wish you gave.

　　如果你要作报告，那么报告无非就三种形式：你正在发布的报告、你已经发布的报告，以及你打算发布的报告。

　　When you focus on what you could have done better, when you focus on the negative, you create a cycle of negativity. After you leave a meeting, or a dinner party, or a social gathering, don’t ponder on how you could have been “better.” Don’t think, “Why did I say that?”

　　当你一味想着本可以做得更好时，当你只看到消极方面时，你就会形成消极循环模式。所以，会议、派对或集会结束后，请不要纠结自己本可以表现得“更出色”，也不要懊恼“刚才我干嘛要那样说?”。

　　Everyone says something foolish from time-to-time, however, focusing on negativity will lead you to believe that you are a person who says the wrong things at social gatherings; that belief will manifest itself every time. Recognize that everyone says something foolish from time-to-time; don’t ponder, move on.

　　每个人难免都会说些蠢话，如果你只看到消极面，渐渐就会真的以为自己在社交时只会说错话;而且，这种想法每次都会应验。请记住：每个人偶尔都会说些蠢话。所以，不要纠结，该干啥就干啥去吧。

　　3. No Pressure

　　不要有压力

　　Don’t feel pressure to be interesting, entertaining, or talkative. Just be your normal-natural self. It’s the pressure to be like someone else that enhances social anxiety and shyness.

　　不要为了表现得风趣、讨人喜欢或健谈而感到紧张不安。做回你平常的样子就行。模仿别人的压力会加剧社交焦虑感和羞涩。

　　You have survived participating in conversations your entire life. Your next conversation in a group is just one more conversation – you are not required to be the life of the party. Just be yourself and speak your mind when you have something to say – and if you don’t have anything to say – no pressure; “chill out” and have fun.

　　你这辈子一直就是在与人谈话中成长过来的。接下来在小组中的发言实质上也是谈话而已——你又不一定非得成为派对的活跃分子啊。你只要做好自己，有话就说、无话则沉默;不要紧张，放松点吧。

　　4. Don’t Assume

　　别去假想

　　Don’t assume that peopleare judging you. Most people are primarily concerned about themselves and how they come across; they don’t have time to be consumed by your behavior. Remember this, if you don’t remember anything else in this article: Everyone is awkward at times!

　　别去假想其他人怎么看你。多数人通常只会考虑自身和自己的遭遇，没人有时间来关心你如何如何。要是这篇文章没能给你留下什么印象，那么请记住这句话：有时每个人都很难相处!

　　When having conversations, every single person at one time or another does or says something that’s a little awkward. Don’t feel that awkward situations or strange silences are your fault alone. Don’t take credit for all the negatives in a conversation. Awkward things will happen, there will be silences, that’s okay; it’s perfectly normal, don’t think it’s not and keep on being yourself – your best self.

　　交谈时，每个人间或都会说出难堪的话来。不要一厢情愿地以为是你造成了这种尴尬的处境或别扭的沉默。不要把谈话的失败全都怪罪到自己身上。尴尬时常发生，沉默也总是出现，没什么大不了的;这很正常，不要少见多怪——做好你自己就行啦。

　　5. Don’t Panic – Pause

　　不要慌张——稍作停顿

　　There’s no need to panic in social situations. If someone asks you a question, just pause. Think about the question and then answer it appropriately. Most socially anxious or shy individuals react to questions. They feel the need to answer a question immediately, as soon as the final word leaves the mouth of the other person; they feel obligated to start speaking – not necessary.

　　社交场合无需慌张。要是有人向你发问，那就先停顿一下，想清楚后再恰当回答对方。大部分社交焦虑或害羞的人总是立刻回答问题。他们觉得只要对方话刚说完，就该作出回答;他们认为谈话是一种“义务”——其实完全没必要这样。

　　You never want to react to a question; you always want to respond, after you pause.

　　你不需要立即回应提问，你只需在停顿之后回答提问。

　　When you do this, you will sound more thoughtful, more insightful, and you will have given more deliberate thought to what you’re about to say. You will appear to have “executive presence.”

　　当你这样做时，你听上去会更有想法和见解，你的想法会显得更成熟、更具执行力。

　　The need to respond right away shows that a person isn’t comfortable with silence. It’s usually the least “powerful” person in a conversation who doesn’t want there to be silence, but silence is okay. It shows that you are comfortable in your skin.

　　立即回应则显得一个人不习惯沉默。通常，谈话中最没有气场的人也最不习惯沉默，其实沉默也没什么。它说明你能够做到悠然自若。

　　So learn to pause, never panic! Gather your thoughts, avoid saying “um” and answer like the intelligent person that you are.

　　所以，学会停顿，不要慌张!整理好思绪，改掉“嗯啊”，像机智的人那样去回答问题吧。

　　6. Body Language

　　肢体语言

　　Your physiology will determine your psychology.

　　你的生理能决定你的心理。

　　Avoid having the body language of someone who is shy and/or timid. Don’t haunch over and try not to be seen.

　　不要染上害羞或胆怯的人的肢体语言。不要缩手缩脚躲起来。

　　Stand tall, shoulders back. People will believe the body language you portray more than the words you say! If you look timid, people will believe you are timid and will treat you like a timid person.

　　请挺直腰板。你的肢体语言远比口头言谈更有信服力!如果你看上去就很羞怯，人们也会这么认为，接着就会把你当作羞怯的人对待。

　　To be seen as a leader, walk like a president. Take up space — like you’re a king. Put your feet on the desk, make large hand gestures, stand tall. If you possess the body language of a leader, people will begin to treat you like a leader. They will assume that if you handle yourself like a king, if you dress like a king, you must have good reason for doing so. People will believe the image you portray!

　　请像领导一样出场，如总统一般大步流星。像国王那样压住气场——把脚搁在桌上、采用大气的手势、抬头挺胸。如果你拥有领导的肢体语言，人们就会像对待领导那样对你。他们会觉得，要是你穿得像个国王、举止也像国王，那你肯定有两下子。你所树立的形象可以赢得人们的信任!

　　7. Be The First To Initiate

　　成为第一个主动的人

　　Don’t wait for others to introduce you; you should initiate the introduction. I recently saw U.S. President Barack H. Obama on television; he was walking into a voting location to cast his ballot for the 2012 U.S. Presidential Election. I watched to see how his demeanor differed from others.

　　不要等别人来介绍你，你应该先主动介绍自己。最近我在电视上看到美国总统巴拉克•奥巴马：他向投票点走去，竞选2012年的美国总统。我一直留意他的言行究竟如何与众不同。

　　Here’s what stood out: he walked confidently with a smile on his face, and he took time to introduce himself to the individuals in the room. That’s all, and it made him appear to be very presidential, very confident in himself.

　　这个与众不同就是：他面带微笑地自信地走过去，然后开始向房间里的所有人介绍自己。就凭这样，已经使他显得非常有总统范儿、对自己非常有信心了。

　　He could have walked in there with his head held down, assuming everyone knew who he was, like the socially anxious. But instead, he owned his space, he initiated contact and looked very powerful in the process.

　　本来他也可以低着头走过去，心里猜测别人怎么看他，一副社交焦虑的样子;但是，他压住了气场、主动开始了交流，整个过程都显得很有震慑力。

　　8. Move Slow

　　放慢动作

　　One “sure fire” way to appear socially anxious is to make lots of sudden movements. Consider the lion, the lion only moves when it is necessary, all of its movements are deliberate. The lion appears confident; the lion is confident.

　　显得社交焦虑的一个“致命”方法就是一下子做太多动作。想想狮子吧，只会在必要时出动，而且每次出动都很慎重。狮子不仅看上去很自信，也确实很有信心。

　　Now imagine the chipmunk, chipmunks are constantly “looking over their shoulder,” they make lots of sudden movements, always on the watch – always appearing to be supremely nervous and on guard against attackers.

　　再想想花栗鼠——总是东张西望、动来动去、张望不停，看上去似乎非常紧张，总在防备袭击者一样。

　　Slow, deliberate movements will not only make you appear more confident, it will actually contribute to your personal confidence bank…so avoid “chipmunk like” behavior.

　　缓慢而慎重的动作不仅使你看上去更自信，实际上也能真正提高你的自信力。所以，千万不要有花栗鼠一样的行为啊!

　　9. Take Up Space

　　压住气场

　　You must learn to take up space; powerful people take up lots of space. Don’t hold your arms in towards your body – open them up. If you’re in a meeting, spread your things out, use body language that makes you appear larger than life. Anxious people shrink; confident people expand and shine.

　　你必须学会压住气场;有气度的人都很有气场。不要两臂交叉抱胸，放下来吧。如果你在开会，那就多分散自己的物品，用肢体语言来提高自己的形象。焦虑的人畏首畏尾;自信的人张扬而耀眼。

　　As you practice taking up space – you will appear more confident and in control.

　　你在练习气场时，会变得越来越自信，也越来越有掌控力。

　　10. The Secret to Success

　　成功秘诀

　　If you are a socially anxious or shy person, you are probably very familiar with that heart thumping feeling you get when speaking in front of a crowd. The heart thumping feeling that causes you to get flustered and forget what you’re about to say. If this is you, I’ve written these next few lines with you in mind – because I want to document for you how you can easily succeed when this happens next time.

　　如果你是一个社交焦虑或害羞的人，可能会很熟悉那种当众演讲时心跳加剧的感觉，这种感觉使你心慌意乱，甚至忘了要说什么。如果你就是这样的人，那下面的内容就是为你而写的——因为我想向你证明，下次再遇到类似情况，你可以轻易取得成功。

　　As you know, when you practice your presentation in a room by yourself, you’re not nervous; you’re confident and poised. However, when you get in front of a group of strangers, or even your peers – the element of: possibly saying the wrong thing, or embarrassing yourself causes your body to become uptight and your heart to race.

　　你也知道，当一个人在房间里练习演说时，你不仅不紧张，甚至还沉着自信。可是，一旦你站到一群陌生人、甚至同行人面前时，不经意说错话或出丑就能让你身体僵硬、心跳加快。

　　The key to solving this dilemma is in how you practice. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but perfect practice will make you darn good. When I say perfect practice, I’m talking about recreating the situation exactly as it will be when it’s time for you to present. If your heart will be racing when it’s time for you to present, and it will. It’s important that your heart is racing when you’re practicing, this way you will be accustomed to the feeling and be able to handle it confidently and appropriately.

　　解决这一窘境的关键就要看你是怎么练习的了。练习不一定总能达成目标，但“无懈可击的练习”却可以让你表现出众。所谓“无懈可击的练习”，是指完全按照将要面对的情境进行准备。要是作报告时你会心跳加速，那么练习时也会。练习时心跳加速也很有意义，因为这样你就能习惯这种紧张感，慢慢知道如何自信而恰当地应对了。

　　So before you practice that next big speech, run up a flight of stairs a few times, or walk up a flight of stairs; do a few dozen push-ups. Anything to get your heart racing, then practice your speech. Repeat this until you can confidently and calmly present, even when your heart is racing.

　　所以在准备下次重要演讲前，请尝试多爬几趟楼梯或做些俯卧撑，让自己心跳加速起来，然后再练习演讲。不断重复，直到你能自信而镇定地把报告做好——哪怕当时心里仍在砰砰跳。

　　In time, your heart will race less and less – because you will know that there’s nothing to fear, but fear itself.

　　最后，你会渐渐不再心跳加速——因为你发现除了害怕本身，真的没什么好害怕的。

　　11. Prepare in Advance, But Don’t Practice

　　提前准备，但不必练习

　　Preparation is important. If you’re going to an event where you have to be social, it won’t hurt to brush up on the current events in the world: politically, socially, as well as in the entertainment industry (if appropriate for the event).

　　准备很重要。如果在接下来的活动中你必须与人打交道，那不妨了解下当今政治、社会或娱乐界的时事话题吧。(如果跟活动有关的话)

　　Be prepared…so you can contribute to the conversation. You want to prepare, but you don’t want to practice. If you practice you will sound rehearsed and unnatural, so brush up and add a little something special to the conversation.

　　事先做好准备，这样你才能有话可讲。你需要提前准备，但不必提前练习，不然听上去会跟念经一样不自然。了解时事，再在谈话时穿插点花絮边料就行了。

　　12. Realize There is Nothing to Fear

　　记住：没什么好害怕的

　　In social situations, realize that there’s nothing to fear. What’s the worst thing that could happen? Perhaps you should make a list of the worst things that could happen, so that you can see that they’re not that bad.

　　在社交环境中时，请告诉自己：没什么好害怕的。最坏又能糟糕到哪儿去呢?或许你可以把最坏的情况全都列出来，然后你就会发现，一切并没有那么糟糕!

　　Calm down, take your time, be yourself, there is nothing to fear.

　　请保持镇定，放轻松，做好你自己就行。没什么好害怕的。

　　Bonus: Practice Socializing

　　另外：社交也需要练习。

　　Practice, practice, practice!

　　一定要练习、练习、再练习!

　　Early I talked about U.S. President Barack H. Obama and how he appeared so confident walking into the voting location. He was able to appear confident because he practices being confident everywhere he goes.

　　前面我提到美国总统巴拉克•奥巴马，讲他走到投票点时表现得多么自信。他之所以看上去那么自信，其实也是因为他一直在练习变得自信而已。

　　You should practice being confident, practice talking to strangers in the grocery line, at work, and where ever you go.

　　你也应该练习提高信心，不论是买菜派对、工作还是在任何其他地方，你都可以尝试跟陌生人交谈。

　　Practice, practice, practice!

　　一定要练习、练习、再练习!