尊重自己：学会说不懂得拒绝

2014-05-27 13:10:21来源：沪江网

　　After I had my second child, I wanted to show my boss I could handle anything. I said yes to coming back too soon and working the overnight shift! I was so beat, I fell down the stairs holding my baby — she spent eight weeks in a body cast. She's fine now, but that was an excruciating price to pay for not being able to say no.

　　在我第二个孩子出生以后，我想向老板证明自己能搞定所有事情。于是，我过早地答应了回去上班，而且还是上夜班!这让我累坏了，以至于抱着孩子从楼梯上摔了下来——因此她全身打了八周的石膏。她现在康复了，但是因为不懂得拒绝而付出这样的代价是令人痛苦至极的。

　　Since then, I've trusted that I'm good enough that saying no won't hurt my prospects. Actually, being direct about what you want — without second-guessing or excuses — shows you value yourself. Power through awkward moments like these and you'll get to your yes.

　　从那以后，我一直相信自己足够优秀，因而拒绝一些事并不会影响我的前途。事实上，不带任何揣测或借口，直率地表达内心所求，正能表现出你对自己的珍视。战胜这些难以应付的时刻，你会得到自己的内心所求。

　　1. The I-Do-Not-Need-That No

　　对不需要的事物说不

　　You find the perfect dress for your friend's bachelorette. Then the saleswoman starts insisting you get this belt and those earrings too.

　　你选中了一条完美的裙子去参加朋友的单身派对，这时导购小姐便开始抓住你不放，给你推销各式各样的腰带和耳环来搭配。

　　"I love that, but I'm not going to get it today." The sales assistant is just doing her job — she doesn't take a no personally and you shouldn't either. You're wasting her time by acting like you'redeliberating or putting something on hold just for show. Say no, be lovely about it ... and leave.

　　“我很喜欢它们，但是今天不打算买。”导购员只是在做她的本职工作——她不会把你的拒绝当做针对她个人的，并且你也不应该这么觉得。你假装考虑或者故作迟疑都是在浪费她的时间。你只需友好地拒绝，然后离开。

　　2. The Parent-Trap No

　　对“父母束缚”说不

　　Mom and Dad invite you on a cruise. You get only two weeks off and think this would be an awful way to spend one of them.

　　父母邀你一同游轮度假。你只有两周的休息时间，而且觉得要花其中一周和他们在一起实在是个糟糕的主意。

　　"I love you and that's so generous, but I can't. How about a weekend visit?" Time with you may be more important to them than the plan. Be quick and sweet, and don't make up a story. They knew when you were lying at age 8; they'll know now. P.S. Don't get guilted! You're an adult!

　　“我爱你们，请我去度假实在是太好了，但我没办法去。我周末去看你们怎么样?”对于他们来说，和你在一起的时光，或许比度假计划重要得多。果断贴心地回答，而不要撒谎。你8岁时的谎言就瞒不过他们的眼睛，现在依然如此。另外，别为此心怀内疚!你已经是个大人了!

　　3. The "U Up?" No

　　对不良约会说不

　　The Guy You Want to Date says, "Let's hang Saturday." At 1 a.m., he finally texts, indicating his interest in, ahem, hanging. Nuh-uh.

　　你心仪的男神说：“周六一起出去吧。”结果到半夜1点，他终于来短信，暗示他想的……咳咳……不止是出去而已。

　　Text, "No thanks." Wait a beat. Then, "But dinner Wednesday?" If you want more, don't take less for fear he'll disappear. Forget about jumping like it's the president calling! You'll save yourself months of pain by being clear with him and sticking to your decision.

　　短信回复：”还是不了，谢谢。“等一下，再接着回：”周三一起吃晚饭怎么样?“如果你想要他全心全意，就不能因为害怕失去他而委曲求全。千万不要高兴得跳起来，好像是总统给你打的电话。和他说清楚，并且坚持你的想法，这会使自己免受数月的煎熬。

　　4. The Weekend-Work No

　　对周末加班说不

　　Your boss asks you to work on Saturday, but your cousin is getting married.

　　上司让你周六加班，但是你的表亲这周结婚。

　　"I would love to work on that with you, but I have a big family event. What if I stayed late Friday night?" Apologizing or going into an absurd amount of detail seems weak. Be calm and make eye contact and she'll respect what you're saying. Then follow up with an alternative solution if you can, so everyone wins.”

　　我很想跟着你加班，但是我这周家里有件大事。不如我周五加个晚班怎样?“道歉或者解释一大堆荒唐的细枝末节显得太无力。冷静地采用眼神交流，她会尊重你的决定。接着，如果可以的话，提出一个变通的方案，这样就能双赢了。

　　5. The Kickstarter No

　　对筹资活动说不

　　Your friend has a great idea for a vegan-snack-sample-delivery business, but you do not have thedough.

　　你的朋友想办一个素食小点心的派送活动，但你并没有这个闲钱。

　　"I just gave to another friend's charity race, so I'm tapped out. Can I help by making an intro for you instead?" Little white lies can be okay. You don't have to share details about your finances with friends. Value the work you did to earn your money, and donate only to causes that move you.

　　“我刚刚捐助了另一位朋友的慈善活动，现在手头有点紧。不如我帮你宣传一下?”小小的善意谎言没有多大问题。你并不需要和朋友公开经济状况的细节。珍惜你辛苦工作挣得的钱，捐助给真正打动你的那些活动。

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