I was born and raised in Rochester, New York. I barely spoke a word of Chinese. I didn’t knowthe difference between Taiwan or Thailand. I was… That’s true. I was as American as apple pie.Until one day, on a third grade playground, the inevitable finally happened. I got teased forbeing Chinese. Now every kid gets teased or made fun on the playground, but this wasfundamentally different. And I knew it right then and there. This kid, let’s call him Bryan M. Hestarted making fun of me, saying “ Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these.” I can’t believeyou are laughing at that and that hurts. OK, I am just kidding. I can still remember how I felt. Ifelt ashamed. I felt embarrassed.
我在纽约的罗切斯特长大,几乎不会说中文。我连“台湾”和“泰国”这两个词都分不清楚。那是真的!我那时是个地地道道的美国人。直到我上了三年级,有一天在操场上,不可避免的事情终于发生了。因为中国人的血统,我第一次被人嘲笑了。当然一起玩的小孩都会互相戏弄开玩笑,但这次绝对不同。这点当时我立马就感觉到了。我们暂且管那个孩子叫Bryan M吧。它开始嘲笑我说,中国人,日本人,脏膝盖,快来看。(英文还押韵)你们居然还笑,我太受伤了!好吧,我只是开个玩笑。我依然能够记得我当时的感觉。我感觉特别丢脸,特别尴尬。
But I laughed along with him, with everyone. I didn’t know what else to do. It was like having aout-of-body experience, as if I could laugh at that Chinese kid on the playground with all theother Americans because I was one of them. Right? Wrong. On may levels.
但是我当时跟着所有其他人一直在笑。年幼的我并不知道该怎么办。当时感觉好像灵魂出窍一样。好像我能够和操场上其他美国孩子一起嘲笑中国人,我就是他们当中一员了。这种想法可取吗?当然不可取,而且是大错特错。
And I was facing in front of the first but definitely not the last time, the harsh reality that I wasminority in Rochester, which in those days had an Asian population of one percent.
那是我第一次感受到一件残酷而现实的事实。我属于一个少数群体,但那绝不是最后一次。在那个时代的罗切斯特,亚洲人口特别少,几乎之占当地人口的百分之一。
And I was confused. I wanted to punch Brian. I wanted to hurt him for putting me in thatsituation. But he was faster than me and he was stronger than me. And he would kick my buttand we both knew that. So I just took it in. And I didn’t tell anyone or share with anyone thesefeelings. I just held them in and I let them fester. And those feelings would surface in astrangely therapeutic way for me through music. And it was no coincidence that around thattime I started getting good with the violin, the guitar, and the drums. And I would soondiscover that by playing music or singing, other kids would, for a brief moment, forget aboutmy race or color and accept me and then be able to see me for who I truly am, a human beingwho’s emotional, spiritual, curious about the world and has a need for love, just likeeveryone else.
我当时心里很乱,我很想把bryan 打一顿。他让我陷入那种窘境,因此我也要让他难过。但是他身材比我壮,出手也比我快。如果和他打架,我一定会被揍得更惨。这一点我们都知道。所以我就忍了下来。我从来没有告诉过别人。也没发泄什么感受。一直自己忍着,想让他们烂在心底就好了。后来慢慢地,这些感受在音乐里竟然十分巧妙地把我治愈了。我那个时候对小提琴,吉他,鼓都越来越得心应手,当然不是巧合。我渐渐发现,当我演奏或者唱歌的时候,其他孩子便会忘记我的种族或我的肤色。而真正接受我,了解真正的我,哪怕只是一小会。每当这个时候,他们就会发现,我跟他们都是一样的人。我也对世界充满感性的好奇和想象,我也需要爱。
And by the six grade, guess who asked me if I would be the drummer for his band? Brian.And I said yes. And that’s when we together formed the elementary school rock band calledNirvana. I am not kidding. I wan in the rock band called Nirvana before Kurt Cobain’s Nirvanawas ever known. So when Nirvana came out, Bryan and I were like “Hey, he’s stealing ourname.” But, really what attracted me to music at this young age was just this and it’s still whatI love about music is that it breaks down the walls between us and shows us so quickly thetruth that we are much more alike than we are different. Then in high school, I learned thatmusic wasn’t just about connecting with other, like Bryan and I were connected through music.It was a powerful tool of influence and inspiration.
到了六年级的时候,猜猜谁拉我加入他的乐队当鼓手?对,就是Bryan,我答应了。于是Bryan跟我一起,组成了我们小学的摇滚乐队:涅槃乐队。是真的我没开玩笑。我们的乐队在科特柯本的涅槃乐队之前就有了。所以后来涅槃乐队出道的时候,我跟Bryan还嚷嚷,嘿,他盗用我们的名字!所以在那么小的时候,我就发现了音乐的迷人之处。当然这迷人之处也是我至今热爱音乐的原因之一。那就是,音乐能打破人与人之间的隔阂,能让我们那么快就看到彼此的相似点,而不是那些不同之处。后来上了高中,我学到了更多,音乐不仅仅能够沟通彼此,就像我跟Bryan通过音乐结缘一样。它同时也是一股强大的影响他人,激励他人的力量。
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